Tunnels
by malteselover
Summary: This is a missing moment from Chamber of Secrets. Harry goes off to rescue Ginny and Ron is left to clear the rocks that fell when Lockhart's memory charm backfired. Lockhart wakes up with severe memory loss, and Ron decides to have a little fun...


Ron listened as Harry's footsteps gradually faded away down the tunnel. He looked up at the daunting pile of stones that had formed a massive wall, blocking the entirety of the passage.

"Well, better get moving." He thought to himself, and one by one, he began to shift the rocks.

A few minutes later, Lockhart, who previously lay knocked out on the floor, began to wake up. Ron stopped his attempt at clearing the rubble and instead watched as Lockhart sat up, brushed the front of his robes, and turned his head back in forth, looking around with the curiosity of a four year old.

"Where are we?" Lockhart asked, continuing to take in the site around him.

"Err…you see …long story actually…we're kind of…" Ron tried to think of the right words that would describe the current situation, but he realized how peculiar the situation had become and it would probably not be settled in a sentence.

"We're kind of in a big tunnel." Finished Ron, looking pleased with himself for coming up with an easy, definite, response.

"Well, fancy that!" Said Lockhart brightly. He then continued to stare vacantly at his surroundings. Meanwhile, Ron turned back to his rock shifting.

A minute or two passed. Some progress had been made on Ron's part, so that now, a small gap was beginning to form. He had just lifted a particularly heavy rock when Lockhart began to speak, causing Ron to jump and drop the rock he was holding, which landed painfully on his foot.

"Where are we?" Chirped Lockhart merrily; oblivious to the fact that Ron was now jumping up and down, cursing angrily at his toe.

"A tunnel!" Ron snapped, still annoyed about his toe.

"Well fancy that!" Said Lockhart gaily, and proceeded once again to stare happily at his surroundings.

Ron was now becoming increasingly annoyed. When the memory charm had backfired on Lockhart, it must have damaged his ability to remember anything for more than a few minutes. He was not surprised when Lockhart asked the question once more, happy as ever.

Ron opened his mouth to give his answer once again, when he caught himself. "I could have fun with this," he thought. It wasn't like the bloke was going to remember it anyways.

"We're in the stomach of a huge dragon." Ron said, trying to sound as matter-of-fact as possible.

"Ooh! A dragon! I've never been inside one of those before!" Lockhart looked positively giddy.

"Yeah, you see, you were… having tea with it, and it had… mistaken you for a cupcake…so he ate you." Ron finished, pleased with his completely ludicrous response.

"Oh. Was I a tasty cupcake?" Lockhart seemed like he genuinely wanted to know. But Ron felt it was to weird to give a tastiness rating of a former teacher. Instead, he continued to clear the rocks.

A few more minutes passed, and Ron was becoming increasingly worried. Where was Harry? Where was Ginny? Were they all right? He was lost in his thoughts when, once again, Lockhart asked his persistent question.

"Where are we?"

"Yeah, we're on a train going to…Mars." Ron had no idea why he had chosen Mars, but it seemed to fit all the same.

"Why Mars?" Lockhart was curious, and really wanted to know what got him onto the train Ron was speaking of.

"Family vacation…you're going to visit your…Aunt Arctica." Ron chuckled a little in spite of himself.

"Ah…Aunt Arctica, I haven't seen her in ages. 'Bout time I paid her a visit." Ron laughed, realizing that Lockhart would believe _anything _he said. He turned and continued clearing the rocks, anticipating Lockhart's question. He was quite surprised when a couple minutes later, Lockhart asked something entirely different.

"What's my name?" Gilderoy asked innocently. Ron smiled. This could get interesting.

"Mihangle Ray." Ron replied, as if this was the most common name in the world. He didn't even know how he came up with the name. But it produced the desired results.

"Oh. I see. That is a nice name, don't you think? I wish it was mine." Lockhart replied. Ron stared at him in utter disbelief. This guy was utterly mad.

"So, what is my name?" Asked Lockhart conversationally. This is really getting pathetic, Ron thought. He sighed and said:

"Fabiano."

And so it went, in which Lockhart was christened almost every name under the sun, from Caviar to Zedikya. Ron came up with as many names as he could think of. He even threw in a few names from his History of Magic textbook (at least, he thought they were in his book. It wasn't exactly like he ever bothered to open it.) After all, Urk the Ugly was just too fitting. Finally, to Ron's relief, Lockhart stopped asking questions and took to staring at the ceiling once again.

Now, Ron was getting really worried. It seemed like Harry had been gone for a long time. He had already cleared a hole big enough for someone to squeeze through. "He should have been back by now," thought Ron. He was just about to go and look for him when he heard footsteps coming from the other end.

"Ron, I've got Ginny. She's all right!" It was Harry's voice, echoing through the long tunnel. Ron sighed with relief. Everything was going to be fine. Well, he was, and so was Harry and Ginny. As for "Fabiano" Lockhart, well, he wasn't so sure about him.


End file.
